Mommy You’re Peach and I’m Brown

Recently, one of our adoptive parents opened up to Raleigh Moms Blog, offering a candid glimpse into how she equips her five-year-old daughter with the confidence and skills to hold her own—especially when outsiders’ curiosity brings questions about their family. Their story began with a simple, honest exchange. (Original Blog Post by Cindy Stranad, November 26, 2018)

“Mommy, you’re peach, and I’m brown,” she said.

“I know honey, is that ok?” I asked.

Without hesitation and a smirk, running toward the toy box, “Of course, mommy, don’t ya know.”

In 2012, I adopted my daughter as an infant. I suppose you could say my biological clock didn’t strike midnight until around 40. After much research and sitting on the fence, independent adoption was the right choice to build my family.

A little older than the average mom, it wasn’t uncommon for many questions to pop up from strangers as our twosome toddled around the neighborhood or headed off to the pool or grocery store. What was evident is that I adopted as a single parent by choice and my baby was a different race than myself or that of my family.

The wish I had for my daughter had nothing to do with race. It is what we all want for our kids, regardless of ethnicity or gender – “Be strong in who you are.”

Ever-present in my mind still today is playing out a strong sense of self for her because we are confronted with it often – I am single, she is adopted, and she looks different than me.

What I did not know in the beginning and equally as important now, was the notion of letting the questions come. Not only to listen intently to the question but embrace each one with a smile. (OK, the smile may be a stretch.) Not only fielding this variety of questions from strangers but from friends, family and — between us — as mother and daughter. What I did know was that questions would come surrounding our reality, and I had to prepare her to answer them with confidence.

This year, my daughter started Kindergarten. A first for both of us, I had to trust the snapshots of conversations we have had about our transracial family, and our collective response to all those questions over the last five years has prepared her to stand proud, to have the answers for the moment.

Three things to do to prepare for questions about adoption.

1. Start the conversation.

Don’t wait. Ask your child a leading question; don’t wait for them to ask you. They may not want you to be uncomfortable or know exactly the question to ask. It may be something like, “Look there are another mom and daughter who looks like our family. What do you think about that?” or “Does anyone ever mention that you and I have different color skin?”

Open the dialogue. Let them know it’s okay to talk about it.

2. Role-Play

Be careful not to create a defensive posture. Role-play with your child on how a conversation may go with a friend if they ask about skin color or other personal questions. It’s like practicing a talk for training at work, a lesson plan at church or perhaps a job interview. It’s about anticipating the question, so you have an answer.

3. Plant another family tree

I was taken off guard during preschool when she brought home the family tree. This child exercise scared me. Will she be compared to other families unfairly? I had to let go of my insecurity, and teach her to make room for different types of trees in the family backyard – birth parents, stepparents, and single parents, as well as grandparents, aunts, and uncles from each of these family connections. Moreover, there is your village of close friends and godparents. Most of us probably have something that looks more like a sprawling vineyard than a simple tree.

I say all of this because I had to trust myself. And, I am encouraging you to trust yourself. Release the adult definitions of family and wake up to the reality of what your family looks like from your child’s perspective.

At the heart of this journey is trust—not just in your child’s ability to navigate their world, but in your own intuition as a parent. By letting go of rigid definitions and approaching family from a child’s perspective, you create space for authenticity and belonging that transcends labels.

This November, as we honor National Adoption Awareness Month, consider what happens when open conversations become the norm: our children grow up feeling secure in their identity, empowered to respond to questions with pride rather than uncertainty. Every dialogue—whether on adoption, race, or the kaleidoscope of family structures—cements their sense of self and gives rise to moments of surprising understanding, both for them and for us.

When you celebrate your unique family story, you’re also helping the world broaden its vision of beauty and connection. That’s where strength begins—for your child, and for every family forging its own path.

Speak with one of our adoption counselors. 


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